spring day

 

My dear son, I wish I could wake up to your cheerful "good morning, mama" and truly feel its warmth. But the truth is, my mornings haven't been good for a while now. And it's not just the mornings—it's the evenings, the days, my entire life. And it pains me deeply to say this, but much of that pain stems from you. the pain you inflict upon me through your actions and words is beyond what any human being should endure. The constant insults, the disregard for my feelings—it's become unbearable. I've reached a breaking point where I simply cannot cope anymore.

It's excruciating to imagine that the one I gave life to could cause such deep wounds. But alas, here we are, grappling with the aftermath of your choices. And in the midst of it all, I find myself at a loss, unable to see a way forward.

I've pleaded with you, hoped for change, but it seems my pleas fall on deaf ears. I cannot continue down this path of perpetual hurt and disappointment. As much as it pains me, I must prioritize my own well-being.

I implore you to reflect on your actions and their consequences. Find it in your heart to seek forgiveness and make amends. For my sake, for your sake, for the sake of our relationship—let us part ways with a semblance of peace and dignity.

I wonder, what do you want for me? Do my feelings matter to you? Does my happiness factor into your decisions? It's alright if you prioritize your own happiness, but please, don't disregard the impact of your actions on my life.

I need you to understand that pretending everything is alright doesn't make it so. We both know the nights we spend tossing and turning, tears staining our pillows, hearts heavy with the weight of our situation and our lives. As your mother, I brought you into this world, hoping for a life filled with love and joy. But it seems we've strayed far from that path.

I've reached a point where I can no longer bear the burden. I can't help you if you won't help yourself, and it breaks my heart to admit defeat. But I must. I must let go and allow you to forge your own path, regardless of where it leads.

I'll always cherish the memories of you as a little boy, reassuring me with your innocent words, "nichego ne strashno, as myliu tave, mama". I will hold on to that purity, that love, as you navigate through life. Find your happiness, whatever it may be.

As for me, I'll strive to find solace in knowing that you're living your life. Whatever you wish, my son, I will pray it brings you peace, happiness and fulfilment.